Oh, yes, there was more....
Date: Fri, 16 Sep 2005 10:42:58 -0400
To: "mattfour"
From: Catherine Fournier
Subject: Re: A small concern
Dear M.F. Counter-Injustice Brotherhood;
Thank you for your letter of 13 September on behalf of Matthew Fournier.
We must point out that the nature of PIE (Postsecondary Incentive Entitlement) has been mis-understood. Not all candidates are equally eligible for PIE.
Entitlement is calculated through a complex formula using a variety of important factors including;
1. The number of times the applicant calls home.
2. Distance from home, and therefore the applicant's easy access to home-cooking items.
3. Sex. It is presumed that girls already know how to make home-baked goods. Girls are therefore given extra "weight" in the calculation since though they could provide this incentive for themselves and others, they are encouraged to concentrate on other educational matters.
4. Race. Similarly, it is presumed that those of European descent already know how to make the aforementioned baked goods. Caucasians therefore also gain "weight" in this calculation.
We are happy to report that this last consideration makes you eligible for an award from PIE. Your award amount consists of one (1) butter tart without raisins. Please be advised that shipping is not included in this award.
If you wish to discuss or appeal this result, you may contact our Appeals Committee. Be advised however that this committee meets on an irregular basis and your existing award may rot in the meantime. Should you decide to pursue an appeal, please quote this File Number: 743458587 in all further correspondence.
Yours from the Pie Centre;
Katie Baker
3.1415926535897932 Baker's Circle
Theovenis, ON
E-mail: no_way@youmustbekidding.com
Web: http://www.youmustbekidding.com
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